(Editor’s Note: I’ve been hiking in the Peruvian Andes with no internet connection this week - we still managed to host our first Spanish language Mycopreneur Incubator this past Wednesday thanks to Alex from Aleacion FUN. I found some really interesting fungi at 15,000 feet elevation on Salkantay Mountain + more in the jungle on the other side. We’ll be back this coming Thursday with a roundup of global fungi news + another regularly scheduled Mycopreneur Incubator on Thursday, April 23rd with the usual link)

The following article is for satirical and entertainment purposes only

President Trump made history today by signing an executive order to expedite access to breakthrough psychedelic treatments, though the commander in chief stopped short of turning around to ask Joe Rogan for a hit of his DMT pen.

“This is a milestone moment for our nation” said the Commander In Chief today as he was flanked by psychonauts in the Oval Office. 

“I used to think things like Ibogaine were bad because they were the intellectual property of foreign adversaries. Once I realized that American interests could isolate the active alkaloid from the juju witch doctor potion and patent it to commercialize for military industrial complex interests, it became clear that this is what Jesus would want.”

The president went on to detail his plans for the rollout of pathways to legal access for the new class of therapies being touted.

“We’re looking at giving anyone who signs up to be cannon fodder for our war in Iran a free pack of Ibogaine Twizzlers. Those who are seriously injured by a drone while in active duty combat may be eligible for an additional pack too” he continued. 

The use of psychedelics for advanced warfare purposes has a rich precedent within the United States. Ketamine was first introduced as a field anesthetic during the Vietnam War. 

“We used to have a War On Drugs, but now we have a ‘War… On Drugs!’ continued Trump.

“G.I. Joe? More like G-I-bogaine!” joked Trump as he smiled for a photo op while holding a prototype of the ibogaine twizzlers. 

“We’ve got to take our time with this to get the flavor profile right – can’t get ahead of ourselves here.”

A calvary of psychedelic insiders were on hand during the signing of the Executive Order. 

“I’m just here for the intonation in my voice so as to make this development more palatable to Christian Nationalists” said Ibogaine influencer Bryan Hubbard. 

“When the message changes from freely available ancestral right of passage to candy and war, people finally start to pay attention” he continued. 

A vocal contingent of the psychedelic industry aired their perspectives on social media. 

“I forgot all about the Epstein Files, social discord, and the fact that this administration has been harping on about federal cannabis rescheduling for ages but still haven’t done anything on that front” said industry observer David Dickrider.

Though it’s too soon to predict the exact trajectory of the next step in this process of nothing happening still, psychedelic industry stakeholders remain cautiously optimistic.

“I hope the American war in Iran escalates so that I can be drafted and rendered eligible for a pack of Iboga Twizzlers” says Bryan Hubbard as he shows off a new tattoo he got today of Trump clutching a fistful of twizzlers while crowned by a beaming Ibogaine molecule halo. 

“This is what America is all about.”

(Thanks for reading this week’s edition of the Mycopreneur Newsletter - PS, I published an article with High Times this weekend about the evolving drug policy landscape around Kratom, including quotes from regular attendees of the Mycopreneur Incubator)

Hopping on a train to Bolivia now, see you all back here on Thursday

DW